The following description of St. Olaf customs and behaviors is only a generalization; this information, although helpful, should be used as a guide and not as a prescription. One of the most helpful ways for anyone to learn about customs and behavior is by observing others and asking questions. It is important to realize attitudes and customs vary from person to person. Some of the following topics are delicate and may present the greatest cultural challenge for international students. Keep in mind that what follows are descriptions of general patterns of behavior.
CLOTHING
At St. Olaf, and on most U.S. campuses, students dress very informally. The most common attire (for both men and women) is a pair of jeans, a shirt, a sweater, and a backpack. Students also dress informally off-campus, even when they attend social events such as athletic competitions and movies. In spite of this informality, many U.S. students enjoy dressing up, and you are expected to dress up for various special occasions. For example, you may want to wear business attire or business casual for interviews and academic conferences and wear formal or semi-formal dressy attire for President’s Ball. In addition to investing in some formal clothing, students should allocate enough money for warm winter clothing. Winter must be taken very seriously in Minnesota, where the temperature sometimes drops to -30ºF (-34ºC). Having a warm winter coat, waterproof boots, and other warm layers will be a necessity.
CONVERSATION
A casual conversation between Americans can sometimes be confusing. For example, “How are you?” does not necessarily mean that the person asking wants to know how you are feeling. Most likely, what the person means is “Good morning” or “Hello.” In response, you may simply smile, nod, and say, “Fine, thank you. How are you?” Phrases said when departing can be equally confusing. For instance, “See you later”, ”Drop by sometime”, or “Let’s get together sometime” are often meant as a friendly goodbye, rather than an actual invitation. Does your own culture have anything similar? When in doubt, do not be too shy to clarify whether it is an invitation or not.
SOCIAL SPACE
Some cultures tend to have a much closer conversational distance than U.S. culture. These subtle but important means of nonverbal communication can lead to the stereotype of particular foreign nationalities as forward and abrasive and North Americans as cold and distant. Conversely, the opposite may be perceived by students from a culture having a greater conversational distance than that of North Americans. Just as with conversational distance, personal space may differ across cultures. When North Americans are not acquainted with each other or when they are in public settings, they tend to stand or sit apart. For example, in an elevator, Americans will keep their distance unless crowding forces them together. The same is true on a bus where people sit one per seat until additional passengers force them to double up. In both of these examples, North Americans hold themselves in, having been taught from early childhood to avoid bodily contact with strangers.
HYGIENE
Caring for one’s body is based on deeply held personal and cultural ideas. People in the U.S. generally believe it important to control the odors a body naturally produces. Additionally, Americans are generally uncomfortable talking about issues of hygiene, though they may believe that their perceptions of appropriate hygiene are understood. It is important, whether you are interacting with Americans, or with other international students, to consider how you react and are being reacted to with regard to differing perspectives on hygiene.
CALLING
Except in emergencies, it is best not to call anyone off-campus (e.g., a professor, host family, or work supervisor) before 9:00 a.m. and after 9:30 p.m. On-campus, the rules are more relaxed since students tend to stay up late.
FRIENDSHIP
Friendships between U.S. and international students may be confusing since definitions and expectations of friendships may differ from one culture to another. In the U.S., for example, friendships may seem to develop more quickly and be more casual than in many other cultures. You may be struck by how warm and friendly people seem from the start. You may soon observe, however, that while Americans seem warm at a first meeting, they may later seem remote or superficial. It often appears to some international students that U.S. students are too busy to take the time to get to know other people well. Upon closer examination, visitors may notice that they tend to be private, keeping their personal thoughts and feelings to themselves. It is important to remember, however, that these are generalizations and there are many exceptions to them. Some Americans are eager to devote the time and energy necessary to develop close friendships and will talk openly with their friends about personal matters. Each friendship should be approached with a strategy and attitude specific to the people involved. It may take time to develop close, meaningful friendships, but it is usually worth the investment.
ROMANTIC AND NON-ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS
At St. Olaf, relationships between students are so complex that they are difficult to describe in a few paragraphs. Nonetheless, a few general comments might help since international students sometimes find that U.S. dating customs differ from the one that they are accustomed to. Much of the social life at St. Olaf centers around campus life and events. Students study and eat meals together, go to special lectures, movies, or attend sports events together, and non-romantic friendships between men and women are common. Since few students have much money, many split the costs of dates equally. In heterosexual relationships, men still tend to initiate invitations to dances, movies, or other evening events, but such invitations are also suggested by women. Though it is common for men and women to do things together in non-dating relationships, it can sometimes be difficult to determine what constitutes a dating relationship.
Terminology and the extent of physical contact vary greatly. Terms such as going out can mean with or without romantic intent; hooking up often indicates some degree of sexual activity, generally without serious romantic intent, dating, or being together. However, this can occur in various degrees of seriousness. In U.S. culture, the greatest amount of public touching occurs between men and women. There is generally less between heterosexual female friends and very little among heterosexual men. It is not uncommon to see students who do not have an intimate relationship hugging or holding hands. In the U.S. and at St. Olaf, people’s attitudes towards sexual relationships have become more open; however, the decision on whether to establish a sexual relationship or not always rests with the individuals involved. Before engaging in sexual activity, it is always important for those involved to give clear consent. Those involved can also revoke consent at any time. Students often feel free to talk about sex-related subjects, but should remain respectful of those who are uncomfortable with the topic. Similarly, many sexual relationships at St. Olaf tend to be casual. In all situations, it is important to be vocal with a potential intimate partner about your expectations for the relationship. Communication can be an easy fix for misunderstandings and can help you to smoothly navigate your relationships.
Homosexuals, usually referred to as gay if they are male and lesbian if they are female, have become much more willing than in the past to openly acknowledge their sexual orientation. Gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, and queer (LGBTQ) students are accepted and respected on campus. Stereotypes against many of these groups still exist in the U.S. and on campus. International students will still find individuals and communities where traditional ideas about heterosexual and homosexual relationships are prevalent. It can be difficult and confusing to make assumptions about relationships and dating. Generally, it is a good idea to observe carefully and ask questions to your ISCs, JC/RAs, other students, and advisors if you are unsure. Remember, your ISCs are here to help you adjust to life at St. Olaf.
INVITATIONS
Invitations are usually informal and most often verbal, but they usually specify a time and place. For example, “Will you come over Tuesday evening at 8:00?” If you say “yes,” it is important that you keep the appointment. Casual verbal invitation such as “come and see me sometime” or “drop by” are usually given with the understanding that you will call and make more specific plans before coming over. If you receive a written invitation that says RSVP (from the French phrase Répondez s’il vous plaît meaning “Please respond”), you should respond by telling your host whether or not you plan to attend. When responding to emails requesting you to RSVP, you should keep records of what events you agree to attend. If you RSVP “yes” and then cannot attend, be sure to email the host(s). In U.S. culture, it is generally understood that if you decline an invitation more than once or twice, especially without an explanation, it indicates you are not interested and that person may stop inviting you to other things.
USE OF NAMES/GENDER IDENTITY
First names are more readily used in the U.S. than in other countries. It is all right to use the first name of someone approximately the same age and status, or someone younger. It is appropriate to inquire if the person prefers to be called by his, her, or their first name if you are unsure. However, if a professor does not specify what you should call them, it is best to address them as “Professor.” A woman or man older than yourself is often addressed as Dr., Ms., Mrs., or Mr. until the individual requests that you use his or her first name or until you get to know the individual better. Men and women will be confused if you use Dr., Ms., Mrs., or Mr. with a first name, as is the custom in some other countries. Ordinarily, Dr., Ms., Mrs., and Mr. are used only with a person’s family name. Some U.S. women prefer the form of address “Ms.” (pronounced as Miz). Ms. is used for both single and married women and replaces Mrs. It is also an acceptable form of address if you do not know whether a woman is single or married. Additionally, people at St. Olaf refer to each other with respect to their preferred gender identity (versus the gender they were born with). We are encouraged to ask people for their Gender Pronouns for their preferred gender identity. Some commonly used pronouns are she/her/hers, he/him/ his, they/them/theirs, and ze/zir/zirs.
CONCEPT OF TIME
The commonly used concept of time at St. Olaf, and indeed in much of the Western world, is that of time as linear, meaning that there is eternal progress towards an infinitely distant end of time. North Americans are usually time-conscious, and being on time is very important. When an appointment is made, you are expected to arrive within five minutes of the appointed time. If you have an appointment with your advisor at 10:30 a.m., for example, you should arrive at 10:30 a.m. or a little before. If a bus is scheduled to stop at 10:20 a.m., be at the bus stop five minutes early because the bus may arrive a few minutes early or late. Life in the U.S. may seem rushed at first to international students. In addition, when asking things of people, especially your professors or other staff members, it is customary to ask around two weeks before the date you need it. This will give professors and other staff time to complete what you require without feeling rushed. When making an appointment with a professor or other staff member, you should typically email beforehand to figure out a time and place. Many people on campus, faculty (professors), staff, and students, use Google Calendar to organize meeting times and appointments.
BEING ASKED QUESTIONS
St. Olaf students are curious people. They will ask a lot of questions. Some of their questions may appear ridiculous, uninformed, and elementary, but try to be patient in answering them. You may be the first foreign national of a particular country whom they have met, and they will probably have very little understanding of life in your culture. Most St. Olaf students are sincerely interested in learning more about you and your culture and, in return, will welcome any questions you might ask them about the U.S. or their home country.