Mothers Who Say “You Can”
By Kylie Landa
Both “Daughters in Boxes” by Toshiko Kishida and “My Heroines” by Marge Piercy speak about the power of mothers. Their power to either build you up or tear you down.
Kishida offers an enlightening reflection about the role and influence of mothers in Japanese society during the year 1883. Her speech, “Daughters in Boxes” inquires about the varying common upbringings during this time. All of them include the same approach of keeping your daughter in a box while guiding them “along the correct path”. She mentions that parents can choose to create a box in which their daughter suffocates and the attention is little, a box that is neglected and forgotten, or a box that allows their daughters to grow through the passing of knowledge. Kishida proposes a box different from all the ones she has seen. She proposes a box with vast walls, beautiful views, and one that is “filled with a good education”. Diving deeper in her speech she makes a call to mothers. She asks them to discourage their daughters from “[squandering] their individual talents” and to hold their daughters to a higher standard than just marriage.
“My Heroines” by Marge Piercy, on the other hand, is a short but powerful poem. Piercy speaks of the women who do the invisible work, the women that stay up late working while their family is asleep, the women that answer when you call, the women that tackle the difficult situations with stride. All of this and with very little recognition, “but without them no woman or liberal man would ever be elected, no law would be passed or changed”. Rather, “we would be stuck in sexist mud”.
What resonated with me the most was Piercy’s line that said:
“When I think of women heroes, it’s not Joan of Arch or Molly Pitcher, but mothers who quietly say to their daughters, you can“.
My mother, who I am so incredibly lucky to call mine, has defied the odds throughout her life and because of this, she has always motivated me to do the same. Coming from a family of seven and a poor background, my mom worked to put herself through engineering school. Being the only female in most of her classes was strange and seemingly miraculous to her high school math teacher who suggested maybe she pick something to study that’s “a little easier”. Graduating top of her class from the University of Minnesota’s engineering school with a mathematics degree, she continued on to her professional career. Despite her success, it was here where she faced even more adversity. “You look like you need to loosen up…”, “Why so serious?”, “You seem a little cold,”… all comments she received… by white men who didn’t need to act “so serious” to be taken seriously. After getting her MBA while working at General Mills and working for 5 years to come, it was after her third child (ME!) that she decided to stay at home with her kids. If it weren’t for her hard work, persistence, and success, my dad wouldn’t have been able to start his company that he still owns and runs 20 years later. Talk about the woman behind it all…
Her story is something that I am proud to tell, but what I am most proud of is how she has raised me. She has raised me to be strong, fight for what I believe in, ask questions, get out of my comfort zone, listen to others, set the bar high for myself, not to be afraid of failure, and to make each day great. If my mother created a box for me to grow up in then it was just like the one Kishida describes with vast walls I couldn’t feel, the sky pouring in, and the depths of the earth open for me to explore. If more moms were able to give their daughters the same advice, love, and strength my mom has given me, who knows what we women and daughters could achieve. For this reason and many others, she is my heroine.
