Identity

Identity is such a fluid, relational, and contextual construction that pinning it down is extremely problematic, if not impossible. The majority of our storytellers were born in Asia or of Asian heritage, weathered through numerous stormy challenges, before eventually reestablished themselves in Northfield. They have lived in many different parts of the world and assumed many different social and cultural roles. A lot of them have difficulties describing their own personal identity when we spoke. How they perceive themselves, and how others see them, is indeed a very complicated matter.

Caroline Ticarro-Parker – “I believe I still lack state identity, country identity… Knowing that I was one of four, three being my brothers, or maybe… two or three other people that were… of any color, not just Vietnamese, was always… a big deal.”

Caroline Ticarro-Parker Transcription

Um, okay, so I’m 43 years old and I believe I still lack state identity, country identity. I, growing up, as a kid I think you’re pretty re-, much more resilient than you are as an adult. I think as a kid… it can be dramatic for a day, maybe an hour. I, I know bullying is real, I know it that happens today, I know it’s much different today than it was when I was a kid. But I also remember walking away from things and saying you’re just… pretty dumb, you know, and, and being okay with that. Knowing that I was one of four, three being my brothers, or maybe, you know, two or three other people that were, were of any color, not just Vietnamese was always, you know, a big deal. But I don’t think, I think the stereotypes are the same. I think that how you treat people depending on your age is the same. I think now that I’m older, I think that the challenge is harder because I don’t feel that there is a home for me. My, my home is, well Minnesota is my home because my husband and my children live here. But, I wouldn’t say that I’m American. I certainly don’t look American. Even now, being in the country for however long I’ve been here, anyone is always surprised I can speak English. I think I speak English okay. Even though it’s my second language. When I’m in Vietnam I don’t look Vietnamese so people don’t assume I’m Vietnamese, and so I feel like I have no home, even though I hold a US passport. Um…so I think that’s more of trying to figure out what that identity is. I identify myself as a strong feminist woman that’s a… you know, trying to be a good role model and trying to make an impact on the world in my own way. But that’s about it.

Ameeta Sony – “…I grew up in an Indian family living in Thailand. I can actually just accept myself as who I am and…I don’t have to have one foot here and one foot there, because now I have a third country, I only have two feet. So I can’t do anything there.”

Ameeta Sony Transcription

As I was growing up I always kinda didn’t, didn’t really know where I belonged, because as I said, I grew up in an Indian family living in Thailand. Um…it seemed to me like, at the time, my one leg was, not one leg, I’m sorry, one foot was in Thailand and one foot was in India in a way, because I actually went and got my education in India. And it was hard, because when I went to India people would say “You’re not Indian,” and then in Thailand people would say “You’re not Thai.” So I was kinda a little bit confused where did I belong at times. It took many, many years to come to understand that it doesn’t really matter. But, I struggle a lot as a kid. I would want to be like other friends, obviously. Uh…and then my parents would hear and say “oh, no, don’t forget you are also an Indian here,” and try to, you know…uh, they wanted me to follow the Indian tradition as well. So, that kinda, was hard. And then I think by the time I came to the US I finally accepted that I don’t have to necessarily be confused. I can actually just accept myself as who I am and…I don’t have to have one foot here and one foot there, because now I have a third country, I only have two feet. So I can’t do anything there. So, I think of myself and so then I hear the word “citizen of the world.” I like that. So I, I identify myself as citizen of the world.

Jane Murakami – “I think that that at the time, you know I guess all my life I really have not identified myself as being Japanese.”

Jane Murakami Transcription

I think that at the time, you know, all my life I really have not identified myself as being Japanese. Um…I mean on the little, little things, I always check the, the Asian um…box, but um…but yeah, it’s, it’s, I don’t know that, beside my Pearl Harbor Day parties that there were any other times that I, you know, was really identified as being um…that Japanese girl, you know. I had wished, I wish that I had taken either Global or a semester abroad or something like that. I, I really regret that. Um…and I, I probably would have, now if I were to do it now, I would choose a semester in Japan or you know similar. So, um…it’s, now that my mom, my mom just passed away, and now we’re, um…we’re finding out, growing up we heard Dad’s story ‘cause Dad, Dad talked about the internment and everything else. So we heard Dad’s story. And, I’m, I’m not sure if it’s because of the traditional, the cultural thing, we never heard Mom’s story. You know, very, very little bit of Mom’s story. And so now um…, I just got a letter from her sister, from my aunt in Japan, and to, to hear a little bit. You know, so, we’re going to try and keep that communication. And, and it, it saddens me to, to realize that I’m going to learn about my mom’s family after she’s gone, you know um…. But I think that, being traditional that she was okay with that. I know that when my father passed away her brothers called and said “Okay, when are you, when are you bringing the kids home?” You know, and she’s like “WOW, wait a minute,” you know. And that’s, they just assumed that since her husband died she would pack all of us up and come back to Japan. So, and I think, WOW would my life have been different at that point in time.